yesterday afternoon.

Yesterday I was down, it often happens that you have to keep up the pace and then realise you just need to slow down. On top of that I am undergoing a thorough assessment to evaluate whether I might have ADHD, and this resonates deeply with certain dynamics I live on a daily basis: I feel lost if I am not totally immersed in what interests me, I cannot stay still doing nothing and therefore I cannot even rest, I feel useless if I haven't given 100%, I am extremely sensitive and prone to overstimulation and therefore in need of retreating into my own space made of solitude, art, animals and nature otherwise I risk feeling like a broken mirror that reflects everything else in multiple fragmented images I cannot even process. And so going back to yesterday: I was tired, but unable to rest, to give myself peace, I fled the house with the dog and went to one of my favourite spots near my home. The wind was blowing and it had just rained, but the sun had appeared, peeping out and then disappearing among moving clouds that ranged from pure white to leaden grey. When I reached the top of the meadow I understood I was safe and at peace and from that moment on I contemplated everything that was being shown to me: a wonderful spectacle. I understood that I am made for this, nothing less, not even a crumb less... I just need to learn to adapt to the less wonderful moments... to wait for everything to come back: all-consuming art, nature that exhilarates me, a wonderful book that I fight to never finish yet at the same time I can't wait to find out how it ends... All of this is me and I want it to be THANKING life.